Antidepressants continue to be a debate within our society. There are people who: believe in the product, think it’s toxic and is one of the leading causes of extreme actions (such as suicide), or believe it is full of crap.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion whether or not they have been experienced being medicated by antidepressants. I respect each and every one of their opinions because I cannot control their minds, just as they cannot control mine.
Sadness and Depression are two different things. Sure, Sadness can lead to Depression, but what is it like to be depressed? There’s more to it than feeling “sad”. In my case, I first noticed my Depression when I was no longer in control of my actions that reflected from my feelings. I felt like my world was at a stand-still. I would surround myself by my loved ones and create happy memories and laughed during those happy moments, but my heart felt like it was being crushed by a considerable amount of weight. My mind, although experiencing happy moments, would wander off into a place I have zero access to and leave my body alone in bed for what I thought would only be a few minutes but turned out to be several hours. This happened for years. I was a mess.
Making the decision on being medicated was not easy. It wasn’t a simple “yes” for me. I did my research from the internet and psychology books. I had to know what I would be getting myself into. The doctor had to explain the chemical process to me step-by-step in order to convince me that my brain was “chemically imbalanced” due to a significant amount of hormonal changes throughout the years (due to my ED and other things). He always explained to me that this wasn’t a Magic Pill. That I was not going to feel a change instantly, but it would be something I would have to commit to for a couple months before noticing any progress.
May I remind you, I was one of those people who thought it was full of crap. But I decided that since I had already hit rock bottom mentally and emotionally, it wouldn’t hurt me to try. In the months passing, I noticed small changes in my mood. Yes, they were small… but nonetheless they were positive changes. I was actually trying to find ways to prove these psychologists wrong and show them that it actually is all in the head. I was wrong.
Although these changes weren’t drastic the way some of you may believe being medicated would be, but it made a difference. My family would start noticing as well and that’s what kept me on Antidepressants for as long as I did. It would numb the emotions I would normally feel without it.
Because the medication did its job so well mentally, scientifically and emotionally…it would mask my negative emotions. The emotions I felt due to my issues that accumulated and brought me to this point. (When I say negative emotions, I don’t mean I never felt sadness.. that would make me a robot. I am still human last time I checked. I am referring to the emotions that I would create within myself with nothing or no one to blame. Emotions that would occur for no reason at all.)
This is where my new journey begins. I have so much respect for those who decide to stay medicated because that is their way of dealing with it, but I no longer want to take this route being medicated. It’s not because I am against it or don’t believe in it. I believe in it so much that it scares me. It was masking my issues significantly that I was not able to deal with my real problems face to face. Some may need to fight their battle with the help of medication and that’s completely fine, but I am deciding to allow myself to feel the pain. Allow my mind and emotions to show me where the pain is striking me most and find the core of my problem and discover MY solution in hopes that it will be long lasting. Goal: Get happy and stay happy.